I am 48 years old. I had never broken a bone before I took up cycling 4-5 years ago. Since then I have broken both elbows (one badly, requiring screws, a plate, and a replacement for the "ball" part of the radius), one shoulder, one wrist, and possibly my tailbone. The tailbone is the most recent thing...the *very* *day* my shoulder was cleared for riding, I was on my road bike and I hit a little divot in the street and went flying. I landed in the street HARD on my lower back/upper butt area. Some nice folks called 911 and the paramedics showed up...by then I had stopped yelling/screaming and was able to stand up, and so I actually got on my bike and rode home. The bike was 100% OK BTW, not even a ding in the rim.
I ended up not going to the doctor for this because I had painkillers left over from last time or whatever, the pain got noticeably better each day, and I didn't have trouble sitting so much as trouble with things pressing into my lower back. So I could still work (I do IT). So now here we are a month later and I can lie flat on my back on the floor with only some mild discomfort, which means to me the swelling is pretty much gone. I get a little burning in my tailbone sometimes if I sit for too long, but even that's decreased to the point of almost not happening. I am physically ready to get back on the bike.
But man, I'm scared. Most of my accidents are speed-related, both on the MTB and on the road bike. So I need to slow down. It's that simple, I guess. But I've known that for the last few accidents and it hasn't kept me safe yet. Instead, I play this stupid game in my head where I think that if I fall and get hurt on every feature or turn where injury is likely, then eventually I'll exhaust all the possibilities and just not get hurt anymore. Until I pick a new trail or route I guess.
I've got a big mental block right now WRT getting back on the bike. It seems like I'm getting hurt more often instead of less often. At least, this spring/summer it's been that way. I have thought about giving up riding but it's the only exercise-type thing thing I enjoy enough to stick with. And I need to lose weight. I'm 210 and really ought to be more like 165-170. At most 180. I guess I know what I need to do (slow down), but knowing what to do and doing it I guess are different things. I feel hopeless and at the same time I feel stupid for feeling hopeless because the answer seems to be so simple.
Anyway, just venting.